Lee's story: "it’s a great feeling to help someone and set them up for their life ahead"

Have you received support from the Together Trust fostering team?

We’ve had so much support from the Together Trust team over the last couple of years. When our first placement was getting challenging, Louise and Lisa from the Together Trust provided a lot of support for us, especially because Lee and I both work full-time. Whether it was getting in touch with an outreach worker or a call with one of them on the phone, it was a huge help.

We became big friends with the duty number. We used to call regularly for help and advice and the fact that there was someone available even at 11 or 12 o’clock at night was a massive reassurance, especially as we are both first-time carers.

Everyone you talk to knows your situation and what’s been happening, so the support really is tailored to us as a couple.

What was the process of becoming foster carers like?

After we first saw the advert and enquired, we had a chat with the Together Trust Fostering Team so they could find out more about us and why we were looking to foster. 

When we applied it was during the Covid pandemic, so a lot of the process was done online. We showed the team around our house and the bedroom where the child would be staying, and basically just got across that we were suitable to be foster carers.

You get put on a ‘Skills to Foster’ course and complete other bits of training, then there are a few stages that you have to pass. The whole process feels like a chat with a friend. It was never daunting and the people we spoke to all of us at ease.

Have you had much contact with other foster carers?

We meet other carers through the training sessions and support sessions on Zoom. There are usually two or three sessions a year where you can share experiences and tips. We were also matched with a foster buddy: a lady who had been fostering for 10 years and who we could get in touch with to ask for advice, which was great. 

We’ve also taken the young lady who is with us at the moment on the fostering holiday, which was great fun and a chance to meet other carers and families.

It’s so beneficial meeting other foster carers to share advice and talk through any concerns you might have. There is always someone who has been through a similar situation.

How did the people around you (friends and family) react to you becoming foster carers?

Everyone has been supportive since we told them that we were thinking of becoming carers. They can see the difference that can be made to young people if they are in the right environment.

There are certain things that you don’t always think about or can take for granted. Both the children we've cared for had never used a self-check-out at the supermarket, for example, so it’s great to be able to give them these life experiences so that everyday things start to become normal.

Do you think there are still stigmas around LGBTQ+ couples and individuals becoming foster carers?

Honestly, this was something that really concerned me when we started fostering - whether there would be any reluctance from the children or their families because we are a gay couple. 

What helped us was being put in touch with another gay couple who had been fostering with the Together Trust for a while. We were able to have an open and honest chat with them and talk about any struggles they had experienced. It really put our minds at ease.

In the end, we haven’t experienced any stigma at all, both children we have looked after have told us that the fact that we are gay doesn’t matter to them and they have really embraced it.

A lot of gay couples and people have experienced hardship in life and built resilience, which I think is a great thing to pass on to the children we are caring for.

We have experiences that can help young people if they have questions or need advice. It’s a great feeling to be helping someone and setting them up for their life ahead.

Would you recommend becoming a foster carer?

I would definitely recommend it! It’s giving a child a chance that they may otherwise not be given. It’s not always easy, and there are of course lots of ups and downs, but it’s so rewarding when you can make a difference in a child’s life.